Pajamas

These pajamas were made for Rudy a few weeks ago when the weather began warming up.  I can't even tell you the pattern because I can no longer find it, which is very disappointing because I was going to use the same pattern to make him some fall flannel pajamas.  I changed the pattern just slightly by turning the facing out at the neck and along the button placket and then doing some topstitching along the edge.  This gives them a more old fashioned look.  And with my #10 pressure foot, the top stitching was such a snap -- no swearing required.  Why did I wait so long to get a new machine??!!  Soon I will write an entry just about my new Bernina.  It is so great.

It had been years since I sewed a garment.  I had forgotten how tedious it can be sometimes, even on somehting so simple as this.  All that pressing after each step got on my nerves.

Time

Today it is three months since Josephine left us.  At this stage in her life we would still have been measuring her life in months (she would have been 13 months on Wednesday).  Now we measure time  since she has left us.  We measure this in months, too, but before we know it, we will be measuring this in years. This is how we will mark time for the rest of our lives -- she would have been  . . . years old and we will recall again all that we have lost -- all of those stages we will never go through with her together.  She will forever be our baby -- our 10 month old little girl. 

Time.  Time has new meaning.  We think of time so differently.  We never seemed to have enough time.  Now all we  have is time.  I never knew time could feel so empty. Time will bring healing of sorrow-- the time before she left us-- the time since she has been gone-- the first time--the last time.  Time.

Laughing Carrots Revisited

Two nights ago I picked up this Laughing Carrots sweater again that I had started about a year ago.  At the time I had knitted up about 80% of it only to realize I had knitted the top back cable portion on a one-size-too-small needle.  I put it aside at the time out of frustration and went on to knit many other things.  When I began it I was very pregnant with Josephine and I was still working on it when she was born.  I am sure my mom-with-a-newborn mind contributed to my frustration with it.  At the time, I needed to keep life simple.  Ed had returned overseas and we were still in the temporary apartment.  Josephine was waking up frequently as newborns do and Rudy was waking up a couple of times a night himself -- freshly potty-trained but not able to make it through the night without a pee. 

As I picked up the sweater the other night for the first time since then, a wave of emotion engulfed me.  I was transported again to that time -- I could smell that apartment, I could remember the joy, I could almost feel and see Josephine at that age -- that warm soft bundle safely snuggled against me.  I spend all my days remembering Josephine, remembering what our life was, what life could have been, not really knowing what life will be now-- but this remembering was different.  "It will take a lifetime to realize all that I have lost" who said this?  I think it was Mark Twain after the death of his daughter.

Last night I ripped out the top back cabled portion that I had messed up and started on it again.

First Coat and Hat

Josephine wore this sweater coat and hat set all the time.  The coat pattern is from Debbie Bliss's Essential Baby.  The hat is from Itty Bitty Hats. For the coat, I knitted the body in one piece instead of 3 and did a 3 kneedle bind-off at the shoulders.  I used "Felted Flower Child" as the model for the hat-- left off the felted flower, used Debbie Bliss Baby Cashmerino and then changed the ruffle a bit.  Josephine looked so adorable in it.  The first week after she died, I slept hugging them at night.  They have a permanent place on my bedside table.

Baby Quilts

There were many babies in the family born recently and, believe it or not, I have found it somewhat therapeutic to make all of these babies quilts.  This is my go-to baby quilt that I designed.  It looks cute, can be adapted to an infinite variety of styles, and uses the bare minimum of yardage.  It requires a charm pack (usually supplimented and modified) of 35 squares, 1/2 yard for the wide border (if no stripes, but stripes are very cool on a mitered border) and 1/4 for the thin border (again, if not striped), 1/2 yard for the binding, a yard for the backing.  I have found that flannel for the inner layer works better than batting -- you get more weight and less bulk.  Of course, mitered corners are a MUST!  On a large quilt, I think it really doesn't matter too much, but on a small quilt it makes all the difference.  I know -- they are a bit scary, but the more you make them, the easier they are and I found the best mitered corner tutorial here.

 Most of these are American Jane fabrics, which I love.  I used Kona Cotton solids for the borders.  Never underestimate the value of a solid.